There was once a woman who prayed every day for 20 years that she'd win the lottery. Every single day. Finally, in despair, she said, "God, I've been a true and faithful servant and have lived an exemplary life. Why won't you grant me this one thing?" "Look," said God, "at least meet me half way -- and buy a lottery ticket."

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack".

"Used to be that my true love brought me chocolate. Now my true love IS chocolate."

"Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't".

"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand".



- Homer Simpson

"English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England".



- Wayne Gretzky

"100% of the shots you don't take don't go in".